Continue reading »]]> I’ve never really been into gardening. I admire those who have perfectly manicured lawns and picturesque flower beds. But I seem to have the wrong color thumbs for it.

I decided at the beginning of the summer I would take a shot at growing something (I cant tell you how many peace lillies I have killed.) I hit the Midnight Madness sale at a local greenhouse and purchased monkey grass (aka Mondo Grass) and begonias to plant in the front flower bed. I spent an entire Saturday afternoon mixing potting soil with clay (Oklahoma soil – you suck.) and planting them in neat little rows, making sure to fertilize each plant with Miracle Grow and water well to help them “root”.

The next morning I wake up and step outside to check on my progress before heading to church, only to find 90% of the begonias are drooping! I’m not talking “hey idiot, water me”-type of drooping. These guys look like they just laid down and died.  I am pissed. I just spent $25 for these bastards! I decide to call TLC and find out about replacing them (they’re warrantied, right? WRONG.) After explaining what these little buggers look like, the young man on the other end of the line says “Sorry Ma’am, perennials are not warrantied.” What!? Now I am angry, but I have no recourse.

I find out I have “fried” the begonias from the roots up. I had no idea that planting them during the heat of the afternoon (did I mention we are on day 52 of 100+ degree weather?) would fry them. Yup, that’s what I did. But the monkey grass seems to be ok. No yellowing of the leaves or drooping. Sweet. Success.

A couple days after the begonia incident, I head outside one evening to check on the monkey grass to find that some of the plants are virtually gone. The long, lush leaves have been CHEWED to the roots. Are you kidding me? Is this some sort of sick twisted joke?! I head inside and ask G to come check it out. “Rabbits” he says. “Looks like the rabbits have been eating the new grass.” Bastards! We live in a neighborhood that has fields nearby so the rabbits have visited us and our neighbors on many occasions. However, since I never bothered to plant anything the cute little cotton-tailed furry sweet things were adorable. Not anymore. GET THE F OUT OF MY FLOWER BED.

Flower Bed Killer

To be continued……